First Horror of the Stage
by AzureOtter
Summary: A parody on the song 'Prima Donna' from Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical 'The Phantom of the Opera'. Written for TheIbis2010!


**This is a parody on the song "Prima Donna" from the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical 'The Phantom of the Opera'. It's basically what the characters were thinking when they sung 'Prima Donna'. This is written as a late birthday present for my good friend, TheIbis2010. The Ibis is an amazing writer, so check out his stories! **

Andre:

Your public hates you!

Firmin (nodding fervently):

We hate you!

Carlotta:

Would you not rather have your precious little ingenue? (Just kidding, I know everyone loves me.)

Andre and Firmin:

Signora, yes.

The world wants Christine!

Prima donna,

first horror of the stage!

Your devotees are on their knees to implore you!

(To stop singing!)

Andre:

Can you bow out when they're cursing your name?

Firmin:

Think of how they all despise you!

Andre and Firmin:

Prima donna, don't embarrass us once again!

Andre:

Think of our ears...

Firmin:

And of the ears around the theatre!

Andre and Firmin:

Can you deny us our good reputation?

Sing, Prima Donna, never again!

Raoul:

Christine spoke of an angel...

Carlotta:

Prima donna,

Your song shall live again!

Andre and Firmin (Slightly desperately):

Think of our ears!

Carlotta:

You took a snub,

but there's a public who needs you!

Giry:

She heard the voice of the stalker of young soprano chorus girls...

Andre and Firmin:

Those who hear your voice liken you to the devil!

Carlotta:

Think of their cry of undying support!

Raoul:

Is this her stalker of music...?

Andre:

We lose our opera...

Firmin:

She gets her limelight!

Carlotta:

Follow where the limelight leads you!

Meg:

Is this ghost a stalker or an angel?

Raoul:

Stalker or an angel...?

Andre and Firmin:

Leading ladies are a trial!

Carlotta:

Prima donna,

your song shall never die!

Meg:

Voice of hell or of heaven...?

Madame Giry:

Heaven help you, those who doubt...

Carlotta:

You'll sing again and to an undying ovation!

Andre:

They'll be dead when you're done singing.

Raoul:

Orders! Warning! Lunatic demands!

Madame Giry:

This miscasting will invite earaches...

Andre and Firmin:

Tears...oaths..lunatic demands...

are regular occurrences (when Carlotta performs!)

Meg:

Bliss or earaches?

Which has claimed her?

Carlotta:

Think how you'll shine in that final encore!

Sing, prima donna, once more!

Giry:

Oh, fools, to have flouted his warnings!

Raoul:

Surely, for her sake...

Meg:

Surely he'll strike back...

(Carlotta's singing would make us _all _strike back...)

Andre and Firmin:

Surely there'll be further scenes-worse than her singing!

Giry:

Think before these demands are rejected!

Raoul:

I must see these demands are rejected!

Meg:

...if his threats and demands are rejected...

Firmin:

Who'd believe a terrible singer happy to relieve our only good singer

who's gone and slept with this fool here?

Raoul and the soubrette,

entwined in love's duet!

Although he may demur,

he must have been with her!

Andre:

Really?

Firmin:

Yes, I heard it from Madame Giry, who heard it from the Phantom, who heard it from...

Meg and Raoul: Christine must be protected!

Carlotta:

O, fortuna!

Non ancor

abbandonataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

(Everyone puts their hands to their ears.)

Andre and Firmin:

You'd never get away

with her singing in a play

but if her microphone's off,

and we claim there are technical difficulties,

nobody has to know!

Raoul:

His game is over! He's going DOWN!

Madame Giry:

This is a game you cannot hope to win!

Raoul:

And in box five, a new game will begin...

Madame Giry:

For if his curse is on this opera...

Andre and Firmin:

Prima donna,

a world is covering their eyes!

A nation waits,

and how it hates,

your acting!

Carlotta:

The stress that falls upon a famous prima donna!

Terrible diseases,

coughs and colds and sneezes!

Still, the dryest throat,

will reach the highest note,

in search of a perfect opera!

Plus, everyone adores me, no?

Meg and Madame Giry:

Then I fear this opera...

Raoul:

Christine plays the Pageboy,

Carlotta plays the Countess...

Firmin:

Oh, God help us.

All:

Light up the stage with that age-old screech!

Sing, prima donna,

Once more!

Phantom:

So, it is to be war between us!

I too hate Carlotta's singing!

If these demands are not met,

a disaster of an opera beyond your imagination will occur!

All:

Once more!


End file.
